The major reasons which I see for raise of marital discords and misuse of section 498A of the Indian Penal Code:
Late Marriage :
Late marriages today contribute to one of the major reasons for marital discords. Earlier, the girls aged 18 to 20 were usually married away. At that age, the mind of the girl is just pre-matured and the girl was not highly educated. The girl after coming to the matrimonial home would try to adjust with the situation and environment there. Moreover, there was a slight fear of instability or a ruined life if she does not adjust with the family she is married into. So, the girl would at all means try to adjust in her matrimonial home. There used to be a social pressure and understanding between the families and within the society they are into. Although one would say that I am very orthodox, narrow minded and of old thoughts to think all this, but, I consider that if a person, a family and a society is happy with that kind of an arrangement where family is a priority and everything else comes next, I would always stand by those old thoughts and culture.Today, due to late marriages and the girls growing up beyond 23 to 25 till they get married, they are already so matured with a certain mind set, that they cannot at all think of changing themselves. Rather, they would simply expect all other members of the family to change as per her wish and liking. I would say, if this is what the society wants, then the boy should leave his home and go to the girl’s house after marriage. At least the boy’s family will be secured as they would not be living with the unhappily married couple and they would not have to face the false 498A.
Working Girls contribute to major problems :
Girls/ladies have always been good home makers. It is said that if a woman wishes, she can build a strong foundation for a happiest family and on the other side, she will be the biggest reason for downfall of a happy family. The girls who start earning huge amounts by working in business concerns are so highly egoistic that they do not consider any one in the world to be smarter than them. Here comes the problem. She wishes that anyone in the family should breathe as per her wish and choice. Else, she has an independent income and she would not prefer to stay with the family. If her husband does not interfere into her personal affairs, then he is welcome to live with her, else she lives independently on her own. If the parents of the husband have any say in the house, they should be deserted and the husband should make a choice between the parents and the wife.One of the major reasons why the girls wish to work in offices is to keep away from the unnecessary works at home including cooking, cleaning, bringing up kids, looking after old parents etc. They have an independent income of their own and they are self sufficient. They really do not need support of either the family or relatives. They simply want an extravagant and luxurious life to live lavishly and have fun which cannot be done with eyes vigilant on them. In other words, they do not want to take responsibilities of the household.I talked to several people about working girls and late marriages. Most people said that the culture has changed. The girls are more educated nowadays and they are more egoistic and obstinate. They want complete independence.One gentleman requested me to get him a homely girl for his son. I pointed out : Your own daughter works. Why are you looking for a homely daughter-in-law. He replied – “I am unhappy with the working of my daughter but she is so obstinate that I cannot pursue her to leave the job. That is one of the reasons why I am unable to find an appropriate match for her in my own society and she is already 38. Now I have stopped finding a match for her. I would have turned her out of the house but my family culture and her mother does not allow me to do that.”I asked another gentleman why he is not getting his daughter married in spite of her being 35 and earning more than Rs.10 Lakhs a year. He replied – “It is just a dream to get her married. She earns a lot and she has a busy life. All her bosses are fond of her. Any of her bosses who goes out of station, takes her to the best of five star hotels and she stays in the next best room for the entire duration of his stay there.” I did not find need to ask him what his daughter does in the company.I stay in the United States for almost one month every year. I have even stayed with a few American families in their house. I would like to mention that what Indians think of Americans is extremely wrong. The Americans are realizing the mistakes which they committed 20-30 years back and we are going to commit those same mistakes in times to come. Just as the earth revolves from east to west and west to east, we are going from east to west and America is coming from west to east. We are trying to adopt their culture whereas they are trying to adopt our culture. The Americans have started giving priority to families and the ladies have started becoming home makers.Coming back to IndiaIn most cases, where a girl wants to avoid living in a joint family or interference of her husband or his family, and she does not get all that, out of rage she files 498A.In my opinion, either these girls should not marry or if at all they marry, they should marry either the highly qualified persons who stay all alone away from the family. These girls are already self dependent and they should not have the right to file a 498A.One more option I think could work is that they should marry a person who simply wags his tail in happiness to what these girls say. They should never question their wife if she is out on a long trip with her boss or is not returning home occasionally at nights. These men should be ready to become home makers. I would not have hesitation in saying that men should start becoming home makers, but the only problem is : god has not given him the ability to bear child. Certain rights are reserved only for women as is the IPC 498A.
Interference of Mothers :
I have dealt more than 3000 cases of marital discords. Whenever a new case comes to me, I ask the boy – does your mother-in-law dominate your house. The answers :
“Sometimes, I am bound to think whether my wife is my wife or my mother-in-law is my wife?”
“My mother-in-law decides what I have to eat today and at what time, what shirt and color I have to wear today, how I am to spend my weekend and every smallest moment of my life”
“My mother-in-law wants my salary to be either in the hands of my wife or in her own. I can take money for my expenses to the extent I need”
“My wife should have a mobile phone of her own with a post paid connection and there should be a “friends and relative offer” matching to that of my mother-in-law’s mobile number”
“My mother-in-law complains to me about my wife going to disco with her boyfriends and my parents having objection to it”
There are hundreds of such stories. My study goes to conclude that 97% of marital discords occur due to immense domination of the mothers of the girls into their married life. Where the marital home accepts all this, things are fine. The day when the matrimonial home has objection to this domination, they are served with IPC 498A.
High Education :
A boon or a curse ??I bow to Sri Dayanand Saraswati, Raja Ram Mohan Roy and other such socialists who thought of bringing a minimum necessary education for the girl child, widow marriages and woman upliftment. In my opinion a lady should be educated because if ever in life she comes across a situation where she has lost everything, she should be capable enough to earn her livelihood and does not have to spread her hands for alms. An educated woman can be a best homemaker as she would have entire knowledge of how to run a house hold and keep her budgets in control. She is the best lady who can give the best education and a bright future to her kids. A mother is a mother. A mother can become a father but the father can never become a mother. Where as the tree which has more fruits on its branches, bows the most, in other words, whereas the person with more education should be more polite and polished, the girls nowadays are becoming more arrogant and selfish. As a result, the Indian society is getting single parenthood as one of the easiest rewards these days.
Love Marriages :
Love marriages cannot be kept out of the ambit of marital discords. Love at first sight or love at an adolescence age is more of an infatuation than an eternal love. The expectations of the couple from each other tend to be much more than what is in arranged marriages. Wise people say – If you expect and do not get, you are lost. But, if you do not expect and you get, you are the happiest person of the world. The commitments in a love marriage are pre-determined and decided. If the other partner is not faithful or is not able to manage the dreams he/she had shown during dating, the outburst of the other is so huge that it creates havoc for both the families. The boy has no section under the Indian Law where he can file a complaint against his wife and the most he can do is a Written Complaint in the General Diary Book of his local Police Station. But, the girl goes all the way to file a case under section 498A involving the entire family of the boy whether they stay together or far away. There have been cases where the married sisters are staying in foreign countries and arrest warrants have been issued against those who have never met this girl. Though this was a love marriage, a complaint for dowry demand and harassment by entire family is registered and the in-laws family is arrested.But in an arranged marriage, it is more of a time factor with which both the partners are well decided that they have to give time to the relationship and adjust with what they get. Moreover, there is a social pressure and understanding among the elders of the family who can still sit together and solve the problems of the conflicting youngsters. I do not say that there have not been any 498A cases in cases of arranged marriages but these are mostly due to the egoistic, obstinate and outrageous nature of the youngsters today. The system still has nothing to be blamed and I do believe :
“It is better to marry and love than to love and marry”
Western Impact :
A lot of people believe that the western impact has played a vital role in destroying the Indian Joint Family System and institution of marriage. The morality and chastity that the Indian Society used to have from its culture and heritage are all being lost and every single thing is being weighed in comparison to right and legal individualism. Everyone talks of his/her right but, does anyone ever think of his/her responsibility towards the family, the society or the nation as a whole??
Law of Land :
The law of India has been very carelessly and callously framed. It is completely gender bias. Not only gender bias, but it is bias as a whole to make it completely in favour of one grade of person irrespective of caste, creed, religion or gender. Only the “Bahu” (Daughter-in-Law) of India has all the rights. The law provides that one cannot call his wife by name. One cannot ask his wife as to where she is going? What time she is going? With whom is she going? What time will she come back? The person asking these to his wife is committing cruelty and violence to his wife and is liable for prosecution.Today’s woman does not want to answer these questions but I can bet, tomorrow woman will not have an answer to a question when her kids would enquire who their father is? I am blunt to say that Prostitution in India has been indirectly legalized. The unscrupulous women of today are using the law as a weapon to kill the in-laws in order to fulfill their own desires. The law has given them full liberty to misuse the laws made for women empowerment.